Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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