So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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