oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
