Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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