are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
