I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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