She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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