Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
