can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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