Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
