They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
