Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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