Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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