All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
handjob tips. give me some.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
