biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize