You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
