you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
