my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
