The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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