That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
