Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
