If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm too high and old for this...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
