dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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