YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have feelings that need drinking.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
