I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
