My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
