It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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