What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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