i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
