So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
