i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
