I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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