Can i not drive my cunt home
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Randomize
