If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Nobody cheats on THIS.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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