Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
