just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
