1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My first STD was from a foam party
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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