Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
