i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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