Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
