your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
