Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
