I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
