i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
ttyl tear gas
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
