Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
