We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
