he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The ass gains better be worth it
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