He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
