saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
