I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
