Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
