I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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