how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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