You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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