True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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