Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
