Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
