Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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