Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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