I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
