bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
