I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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