break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
