Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
