you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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