8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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